Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sarcasm needs its own font
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
