did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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