I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
