Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
