I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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