it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
