my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
