Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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