There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
