i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
