Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
