Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
