You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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