i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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