She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
