Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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