There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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