i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
