if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
