I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
