She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
