I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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