It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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