If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
