fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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