After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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