i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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