i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
