It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
