Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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