is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
