When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
