Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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