Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
