I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
