Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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