A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We talked him into tasing himself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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