It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
