before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
