fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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