white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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