It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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