Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
