hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
