Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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