Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
