walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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