This dress was meant to end up on your floor
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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