What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
