just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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