You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
