1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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