he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
