she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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