i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
