Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
