I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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