Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
