I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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