Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
