found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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