the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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