So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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