I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize