There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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