i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
