hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
