I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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