At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize