i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
